A dapperly Villainous Halloween skeleton.
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The Ever-Growing List Of Quotes By Villains

Many villainous quotes by many, many lovely fictional villains –

The Ever-Growing List Of Quotes By Villains (Villain quotes by movie villains, Disney villains, science fiction villains, game villains, literary villains, comic book villains, and so on.)

All I wanted was a massive collection of things Villains said, things Villains talk about, and, in general, what Villains say, whether it’s to other Villains, or to themselves, or even to the poor hapless heroes.

When I started this project, I honestly figured that there’d be dozens of sites out there with hundreds of quotes by villains.  There are certainly plenty of quotes ABOUT villainy; but there’s quotes about damn near everything.  Villain quotes are deeply underrepresented. It’s hard to find quotes BY Villains. And since we’re a Villain Convention, we figured it was time to change that.

I thought about breaking these down into categories, but then I figured, I’ll just ask people to suggest their favorite badass, interesting, inspirational, and/or funny things said by Villains, and type them in whenever I get a chance.

So this is The Eternally, Ever-Growing List Of Quotes By Villains.  Enjoy it!

Want the categorized list? Click here!


“She had always found villains more exciting than heroes. They had ambition, passion. They made the stories happen. Villains didn’t fear death. No, they wrapped themselves in death-like suits of armor! As she inhaled the school’s graveyard smell, Agatha felt her blood rush. For like all villains, death didn’t scare her. It made her feel alive.”

― Soman Chainani, The School for Good and Evil

“The fact is that we have no way of knowing if the person who we think we are is at the core of our being. Are you a decent girl with the potential to someday become an evil monster, or are you an evil monster that thinks it’s a decent girl?”

“Wouldn’t I know which one I was?”

“Good God, no. The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves.”

― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

“I might be the villain of this story.”

― Rebecca Makkai, The Borrower

“But these words people threw around – humans, monsters, heroes, villains – to Victor it was all just a matter of semantics. Someone could call themselves a hero and still walk around killing dozens. Someone else could be labeled a villain for trying to stop them. Plenty of humans were monstrous, and plenty of monsters knew how to play at being human.”

― V.E. Schwab, Vicious

“You don’t think monster girls and wicked boys deserve love?”

― Holly Black, How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories

“In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire…”

– Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

“The road to powerful magical items is paved with good intentions and hideous deathtraps.”

― Jeff Mach There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN: A Dark Lord’s Diary

“Heroes are more than just stories, they’re people. And people are complicated; people are strange. Nobody is a hero through and through, there’s always something in them that’ll turn sour… you’ll learn it one day. There are no heroes, only villains who win.”

― Joel Cornah, The Sea-Stone Sword

“I should do something very extroverted and vengeful to you. Honestly, I’m too tired.”

-Supreme Being, Time Bandits

“People are not born heroes or villains; they’re created by the people around them.”

― Chris Colfer

“Why aren’t crazy people content to take over, like, one town? It always has to be the whole word. They can’t just control maybe twenty people. They have to control everyone. They can’t just be stinking rich. They can’t just do genetic experiments on a couple of unlucky few. They have to put something in the water. In the air. To get everyone.
I was tired of all of it.”

― James Patterson, Angel

“I am but a shadowy reflection of you. It would take only a nudge to make you like me. To push you out of the light.”

–Belloq, Raiders of the Lost Ark

“Give me what I want and I’ll go away”

Andre Linoge, Stephen King’s Storm of the Century

“The villains were always ugly in books and movies. Necessarily so, it seemed. Because if they were attractive—if their looks matched their charm and their cunning—they wouldn’t only be dangerous.

They would be irresistible.”

― Nenia Campbell, Horrorscape

“September did not want to feel for the Marquess. That’s how villains get you, she knew. You feel badly for them, and next thing you know, you’re tied to train tracks. But her wild, untried heart opened up another bloom inside her, a dark branch heavy with fruit.”

― Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland and Led the Revels There

“Pooh-pooh to the Whos!…they’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming. They’re just waking up, and I know just what they’ll do. Their mouths will hang open a minute or 2, then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry, “Boo Hoo!””

-Grinch, How the Grinch Stole Christmas

“Most have been forgotten. Most deserve to be forgotten. The heroes will always be remembered. The best. The best and the worst. And a few who were a bit of both.”

― George R.R. Martin, A Feast for Crows

“This world has only two kinds of people: villains and smiling villains.”

― Brent Weeks, The Broken Eye

“My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.”

Grendel by John Gardner

“What I see I inspire with usefulness, I think, trying to suck in breath, and all that I do not see is useless, void. I observe myself observing what I observe.”

Grendel by John Gardner

“No one just starts giggling and wearing black and signs up to become a villainous monster. How the hell do you think it happens? It happens to people. Just people. They make questionable choices, for what might be very good reasons. They make choice after choice, and none of them is slaughtering roomfuls of saints, or murdering hundreds of baby seals, or rubber-room irrational. But it adds up. And then one day they look around and realized that they’re so far over the line that they can’t remember where it was.”

― Jim Butcher, Cold Days

“You are so beyond fucked, you couldn’t catch a bus back to fucked.”

-Reggie, Suckers

“Here is a story that’s stranger than strange.
Before we begin you may want to arrange:
a blanket, a cushion, a comfortable seat,
and maybe some cocoa and something to eat.

I’ll warn you, of course, before we commence,
my story is eerie and full of suspense,
brimming with danger and narrow escapes,
and creatures of many remarkable shapes.

Dragons and ogres and gorgons and more,
and creatures you’ve not even heard of before.
And faraway places? There’s plenty of those!
(And menacing villains to tingle your toes.)

So ready your mettle and steady your heart.
It’s time for my story’s mysterious start…”

― Robert Paul Weston, Zorgamazoo

“Hey! How — ah, these pretzels suck… So, how’s your day been, buddy? We haven’t really talked much since I left you for dead.”

– Handsome Jack, Borderlands

“If evil had a laugh, she thought it would sound like his.”

― Nenia Campbell, Black Beast

“She should have known that villains often come with pretty faces.”

― Anna Godbersen, The Luxe

“There weren’t any villains though. The world was just complicated in various ways, and there weren’t any obvious villains to be found. It was excruciating.”

― Tatsuhiko Takimoto

“We always vilify what we don’t understand.”

― Nenia Campbell, Horrorscape

“It’s not fair. It’s not our fault. We have no say in our own lives. We’re living a fairy tale someone else wrote.”

― Melissa de la Cruz, The Isle of the Lost

“Heroes don’t exist. And if they did, I wouldn’t be one of them.”

― Brodi Ashton, Everneath

“You’re on thin fucking ice my pedigree chums, and I shall be under it when it breaks… now fuck off!”

-Brick Top, Snatch

“Do you know what “nemesis” means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an ‘orrible cunt… me.”

-Brick Top, Snatch

“The Darkling just stared out into the waves. I considered shoving him over the railing. Sure, he was hundreds of years old, but could he swim?”

― Leigh Bardugo, Siege and Storm

“What do you see when you see me?’ She asked him, burying her own face in his bosom.
‘Do you want the truth?’
She nodded.
‘The firing squad.’
‘That’s not the whole truth. Try again.’
‘Insatiability,’ he said with some bitterness.
‘That’s oblique but altogether too simple. Once more,’ she insisted. ‘One more time.’
He was silent for several minutes.
‘The map of a country in which I only exist by virtue of the extravagance of my metaphors.’
‘Now you’re being too sophisticated. And, besides, what metaphors do we have in common?”

― Angela Carter, Heroes and Villains

“Because it’s all so fucking hysterical.”

-Connor Rooney, Road to Perdition

“Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?”

-Mr. Blonde, Reservoir Dogs

“I don’t like to feel good. I like to feel evil.”

-Skeletor, He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special

“…if only you could see what I’ve seen with your eyes!”

-Batty, Blade Runner

“If you have a gun, you can rob a bank. But if you have a bank you can rob anyone”

-Black Mask, Batman: Arkham Origins

“You learn eventually that, while there are no villains, there are no heroes either. And until you make the final discovery that there are only human beings, who are therefore all the more fascinating, you are liable to miss something.”

 Paul Gallico

“I have made calculations that would beggar your soul. What is it that villains always say at the end of stories? You and I are more alike than you think? Well,” the Marquess took September’s hand in hers and very gently kissed it. “We are. Oh, how alike we are! I feel very warmly towards you, and I only want to protect you, as I wish someone had protected me. Come, September, look out the window with me. It’s not a difficult thing. A show of faith, let’s call it.”

― Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making

“I? I am a monument to all your sins.”

-Gravemind, Halo 2

“This is how The Jewel operates. Status is our sole occupation. Gossip is our currency.”

― Amy Ewing, The Jewel

“There were some people you had to stay
away from, people who poisoned everything in reach. Then there were people you
wanted to stick with, the ones with silver tongues and golden touches. And then,
there were people you stood beside because it meant you weren’t in their way”

― Victoria Schwab, Vicious

“There are no men like me. There’s only me”

― George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings

“[grabs a machine gun that’s on the ground but Bond puts his foot on it first] Why can’t you just be a good boy and die?”

-Alec Trevelyan, GoldenEye

“My books have very few villains pretending to be righteous, but they are filled with good people who have pretended to be villains so well that they believe it themselves. This is how I like to view reality.”

― Kenneth Everett

” You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads!”

-Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

“I have to return some videotapes.”

-Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

“And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable… I simply am not there.”

-Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

“Don’t just stare at it, eat it.”

-Patrick Bateman, American Psycho

“When one’s young, it seems very easy to distinguish between right and wrong, but as one gets older it becomes more difficult. At school, it’s easy to pick out one’s own villains and heroes and one grows up wanting to be a hero and kill the villains.”

― Ian Fleming, Casino Royale

“So, I assume you’ve come here to make arrangements. But unfortunately, I don’t fuck losers.”

-Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions

“Well give the man a hand!”

-Clarance J. Boddicker, RoboCop

“ooh, guns guns guns!”

-Clarance J. Boddicker, RoboCop

“So, what I told you was true… from a certain point of view.”

-Ben ‘Obi-Wan’ Kenobi, Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi

“Séverin Montagnet-Alarie knew there was only one difference between monsters and gods. Both inspired fear. Only one inspired worship.”

― Roshani Chokshi, The Silvered Serpents

Guy of Gisborne : Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?

Sheriff of Nottingham : Because it’s DULL, you twit. It’ll hurt more.

-Sheriff of Nottingham, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

“History is made at night. Character is what you are in the dark.”

-Lord Jon Whorfin, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension 

“Sealed with a curse as sharp as a knife. Doomed is your soul and damned is your life.”

-Lord Jon Whorfin, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension 

“Vendetta, he says, using the ancient tongue. The art of kanly is still alive in the Universe. He does not wish to meet or speak with you.”

-Piter De Vries, Dune

“I rather doubt it. Can we, in fact, pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath no? We cannot.”

-Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

“It isn’t always a matter, we should note, of identifying with the protagonist. No one I know, regardless of how much they love his novel, wants to be Humbert Humbert or Victor Frankenstein, although perhaps for different reasons. Or Heathcliff. Ever want to be Heathcliff? I didn’t think so. They are not the stuff of our fantasy lives, yet we may revel in their world, even while reviling their personalities. Consider Humbert. The narrative strategy Nabokov employs is very daring since it demands that we identify with someone who is breaking what nearly everyone will consider the most absolute taboo. …Sympathy is out of the question. What the novel requires, however, is that we continue reading, something it audaciously gives us reason to do. The word games and intellectual brilliance helps, certainly; he’s detestable but charming and brilliant. The other element is that we watch him with a sort of appalled fascination: can he really intend that; does he really do this; would he really attempt even that; has he lost all sense of proportion? The answers are, in order, yes, yes, yes, and yes. Pretty clearly, then, there are pleasures in the text that are not inherent in the personality of the main character.”

― Thomas C. Foster, How to Read Novels Like a Professor: A Jaunty Exploration of the World’s Favorite Literary Form

Yes, but … The Order of Taraka. I mean, isn’t that overkill?

No, I think it’s just enough kill.

-Dalton and Spike exchange, Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Season 2

“If he dies. He dies”

-Ivan Drago, Rocky IV

“Listen kid, I’m not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don’t give a good fuck what you know, or don’t know, but I’m gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It’s amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I’ve heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain’t gonna get.”

-Mr. Blonde, Resevoir Dogs

“Now you know what we are, now you know what you are. You’ll never grow old, Michael, and you’ll never die. But you must feed!”

-David, The Lost Boys

“Now where were we? Ah, yes abject humiliation!”

-Jafar, Aladdin

“No Mr Bond, I Expect You To Die!”

-Goldfinger, Goldfinger

“You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.”

-Boris Johnson, The Italian Job

“But I am above all, a reasonable man. Thus I have granted your leaders one week to surrender to the rule of Doom…or suffer total annihilation”

-Dr. Doom, Vultures; Noveliss

“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

-Darth Vader, Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope

“It’s not easy having a good time! Even smiling makes my face ache!”

-Dr. Frank N. Furter, The Rocky Horror Picture Show

“Compromise, my friend, is the essence of diplomacy, and diplomacy is the cornerstone of love. [Singin] Sweeeeeet looooove.”

-Dr. Killinger, The Venture Bros.- season 2

“Hello, Beastie.”

-Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean; Dead Man’s Chest

Lord Kril: Damage report!
Ko-dan Officer: Guidance system out. Auxiliary steering out.
Lord Kril: Divert! Divert!
Ko-dan Officer: She won’t answer the helm! We’re locked into the moon’s gravitation pull. What do we do?
Lord Kril: [his eyepiece swings over left eye] We die. [The ship crashes into the moon and explodes]

– Lord Kril & Ko-Dan Officer exchange, The Last Starfighter

“Won’t you shake a poor sinner’s hand?

– Dr. Facilier/Shadow Man, The Princess and the Frog

“I’ll get you, my pretty — and your little dog too!”

-The Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz

“I may be crazy enough to take on Batman, but the IRS? No thank you!”

-The Joker, The New Batman Adventures

“Because the status is not Quo”

-Dr. Horrible, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along blog

“I’m undead – I’m not unreasonable”

-Dracula, The Rules of the Beast

Brytag [Upon being challenged by Sonja to a death-duel, in lieu of paying “tender tribute”]  Woman, I have fought 177 men. Only one survives, and he has no legs. *You DARE to mock Brytag?*

-Brytag, Red Sonja

“How shall I punish you? Oh, I know– I’ll send you to bed early.

[Dahlia waves her hand toward Freya, who immediately is knocked unconscious and falls backward]

-Dahlia, The Vampire Diaries

“Not the archers. My scouts tell me their archers are miles away and no threat to us. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. The dead cost nothing.”

-King Edward I, Braveheart

“I can’t stand a man who laughs at his own jokes.”

-Gamilon Leader Desslock, Star Blazers

Cylon Leader: “All [fighters] destroyed? How? We took them by surprise!”
Random Cylon: “Apparently, it was not as big a surprise as we had hoped for.”

-Cylon Exchange, Battlestar Galactica

“As you know, madness is like gravity…all it takes is a little push.”

-Joker, The Dark Knight

“Do I look like someone with a plan?”

-Joker, The Dark Knight

[fuming]  Batman… Batman… Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a *bat* gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!”

-Joker, Batman

” If it’s all the same to you, I’ll have that drink now.”

-Loki, The Avengers

“I mean all the normal people dream of going crazy every now and then…problem is, when they do, there is not going back”

-Joker, Harleen Comic

“I must say, I really felt quite distressed at not receiving an invitation.”

-Maleficent, Maleficent

“You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?”

– Jack/Joker, Batman

James Bond Do you expect me to talk?

Auric Goldfinger No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

– Gert Fröbe, Goldfinger

“Mephistopheles: Why, this is hell, nor am I out of it.
Think’st thou that I, who saw the face of God
And tasted the eternal joys of heaven,
Am not tormented with ten thousand hells
In being deprived of everlasting bliss?”

― Christopher Marlowe, Dr. Faustus

“Do not try to escape. You are in my control. Look at me: I am the sum of all evils. Look carefully. My power infests all times, all galaxies, all dimensions. But many still seek me out; a green jewel they must possess. But see how I destroy their lives.”

-Loknar, Heavy Metal

“Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.”

― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

“You cannot hide from danger. Death floats on the air, creeps through the window, comes with the handshake of a stranger. If we stop living because we fear death, then we have already died.”

-Raistlin Majere, The Soulforge, Margaret Weis

“Bah! In my day, we had fantastical feasts when I lived in the palace. And now, look at me – wasted away to practically nothing”

-Ursula, The Little Mermaid

“The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.”

-Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, “Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

“Never go in against a Sicilian when Death is on the line!”

—Vizzini, “The Princess Bride”, William Golding

“Do you know what “nemesis” means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an ‘orrible cunt… me.”

―Bricktop from “Snatch”, directed by Guy Richie

“I have millions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscles, yet I rule two hemispheres.”

―Edward Nigma, The Riddler, “”Batman: The Animated Series” – 1992, episode: If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Rich?

“We live in a primitive time—don’t we, Will?—neither savage nor wise. Half measures are the curse of it. Any rational society would either kill me or give me my books.”

― Dr. Hannibal Lecter, Red Dragon, Thomas Harris

“You see, a scheme is like a fire. Everything must be in order for it to work. You need matches, torches, an angry mob that won’t listen to reason, and the right sort of kindling. Orphans, for instance, tied to the wooden stake.”

“We are a nebulous and monolithic organization that exists solely to commit evil acts and sometimes to act as a straw man.”

Terrible Writing Advice

“Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment; but you humans do not. Instead you multiply, and multiply, until every resource is consumed. The only way for you to survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern… a virus.”

—Agent Smith, The Matrix, The Watchowski Siblings

“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”

The Usual Suspects, Christopher McQuarrie (and apparently, according to Quote Investigator, probably quoting Charles Baudelaire

“We have eternity to know your flesh”.

―Pinhead, “Hellraiser”, by Clive Barker

“On a related subject, Signore Pazzi, I must confess to you: I’m giving serious thought to eating your wife.”

― Thomas Harris, Hannibal

“I will continue to study at your feet, Master. I will learn from your wisdom. I will discover your secrets, unlocking them one by one until everything you know—all your knowledge and all your power—is mine. And once you are no longer of use to me, I will destroy you.”

― Drew Karpyshyn, Star Wars, The Darth Bane Series: Path of Destruction, Rule of Two, Dynasty of Evil

“On our wedding night,” she said, “I will cut out your tongue and swallow it. Then both tongues that spoke our marriage vows will belong to me, and I will be wed only to myself. You will most likely choke to death on your own blood, which will be unfortunate, but I will be both husband and wife and therefore not a widow to be pitied.”

― Lada the ImpalerAnd I Darken, Kiersten White

“There was a wicked ole witch once called Black Aliss. She was an unholy terror. There’s never been one worse or more powerful. Until now. Because I could spit in her eye and steal her teeth, see. Because she didn’t know Right from Wrong, so she got all twisted up, and that was the end of her.

“The trouble is, you see, that if you do know Right from Wrong, you can’t choose Wrong. You just can’t do it and live. So.. if I was a bad witch I could make Mister Salzella’s muscles turn against his bones and break them where he stood… if I was bad. I could do things inside his head, change the shape he thinks he is, and he’d be down on what had been his knees and begging to be turned into a frog… if I was bad. I could leave him with a mind like a scrambled egg, listening to colors and hearing smells…if I was bad. Oh yes.” There was another sigh, deeper and more heartfelt.
“But I can’t do none of that stuff. That wouldn’t be Right.”

She gave a deprecating little chuckle. And if Nanny Ogg had been listening, she would have resolved as follows: that no maddened cackle from Black Aliss of infamous memory, no evil little giggle from some crazed Vampyre whose morals were worse than his spelling, no side-splitting guffaw from the most inventive torturer, was quite so unnerving as a happy little chuckle from a Granny Weatherwax about to do what’s best.”

― Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

“Dark Lords shatter destiny; it’s what we do.”

― Jeff Mach, There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN: A Dark Lord’s Diary


The Emperor Palpatine, to his mirror, every morning.

“As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. And really, that’s all this is, except that instead of sucking water, I’m sucking life. I’ve just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don’t know what that would do to you, so let’s just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so… be honest. How do you feel?”

― Count Rugen, “The Princess Bride”, William Goldman

“Revenge is like sex, Mister Dresden. It’s best when it comes on slow, quiet, until it all seems inexorable.”

― “The Nightmare”, Grave Peril, Jim Butcher

“If I have to have a past, then I prefer it to be multiple choice.”

― Alan Moore, Batman: The Killing Joke, The Joker

“Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.”

― Spaceballs, Mel Brooks

“I’m surrounded by idiots.”

― Scar, The Lion King, by Irene Mecchi

“I see you shiver with… antici………..pation.”

― Dr. Frank-N-Furter, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Richard O’Brien

“That’s it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas.”

― The Sheriff of Nottingham, “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves”,  Pen Densham and John Watson

“Ye best start believin’ in ghost stories, Miss Turner. Yer in one.”

―Captain Barbossa, “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl“, Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio

“You see, the only thing the good people are good at is overthrowing the bad people. And you’re good at that, I’ll grant you. But the trouble is it’s the only thing you’re good at. One day it’s the ringing of the bells and the casting down of the evil tyrant, and the next it’s everyone sitting around complaining that ever since the tyrant was overthrown no one’s been taking out the trash. Because the bad people know how to plan. It’s part of the specification, you might say. Every evil tyrant has a plan to rule the world. The good people don’t seem to have the knack.”

―Lord Vetinari, Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett

“Oft have I digg’d up dead men from their graves,
And set them upright at their dear friends’ doors,
Even when their sorrows almost were forgot;
And on their skins, as on the bark of trees,
Have with my knife carved in Roman letters,
‘Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.’
Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful things
As willingly as one would kill a fly,
And nothing grieves me heartily indeed
But that I cannot do ten thousand more.”

― William Shakespeare, Titus Andronicus

“I don’t have enough scruples to start violating the few I do.”

― C.T. Phipps, The Games of Supervillainy

“Bigfoot was interviewed on The Patty Winters Show this morning and to my shock I found him surprisingly articulate and charming.”

― Bret Easton Ellis, American Psycho

“One benefit of being the black sheep in the family—or in this case, being the only half villain and going to an all-hero school—is that everyone expects me to screw up. So when I don’t, it’s like I performed a miracle.”

― Chelsea M. Campbell, The Betrayal of Renegade X

“The dark side is emotion, Bane. Anger, hate, love, lust. These are what make us strong, Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Your passion is still there, Bane. Seek it out. Reclaim it.”

― Darth Revan, “Revan” by Drew Karpyshyn

“One time we had the whole world in our hands, but we ate it and burned it and it’s gone now.”

― Harry Harrison, Make Room! Make Room! (aka “Soylent Green”)

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”

― Isaac Asimov

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.”

― Joel Rosenberg, “The Warrior Lives”

“Look my friend, I’ve got to commit a murder tonight. Not you. Me. So be a good chap and stuff it, would you?”

― Ian Fleming, Octopussy & the Living Daylights

“Ball up the fist, reach way back, and assert yourself.”

-Two Face, “Batman Forever

“I only need two things. Your submission and your obedience to MY WILL!”

-The Master, Doctor Who’s “The Dæmons

“Never send a man where you can send a bullet.”

― Ian Fleming, For Your Eyes Only

“Let’s be clear. The planet is not in jeopardy. We are in jeopardy. We haven’t got the power to destroy the planet – or to save it. But we might have the power to save ourselves.”

― Dr. Ian Malcom, from Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park

“But now science is the belief system that is hundreds of years old. And, like the medieval system before it, science is starting not to fit the world any more. Science has attained so much power that its practical limits begin to be apparent. Largely through science, billions of us live in one small world, densely packed and intercommunicating. But science cannot help us decide what to do with that world, or how to live. Science can make a nuclear reactor, but it cannot tell us not to build it. Science can make pesticide, but cannot tell us not to use it. And our world starts to seem polluted in fundamental ways—air, and water, and land—because of ungovernable science.”

― Dr. Ian Malcom, from Michael Crichton’s, Jurassic Park

“Mania, my dear Mister Bond, is as priceless as genius. Dissipation”

― Ian Fleming, Dr. No

Evil: What sort of Supreme Being created such riffraff? Is this not the workings of a complete incompetent?

Baxi Brazilia III: But He created you, Evil One!

Evil : What did you say?

Baxi: Well He created you, so He can’t be totally— [Evil blows him to bits]

Evil: Never talk to me like that again! No one created me! I am Evil. Evil existed long before good. I made myself. I cannot be unmade. I am all powerful! [Minions applaud]

Cartwright: But why, if that’s the case, are you unable to escape from this fortress? [Evil obliterates him]

Evil: It’s a good question. Why have I let the Supreme Being keep me here in the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness?

Robert: Because you—

Evil: Shut up. I’m speaking rhetorically.

Robert: Oh, of course.

Evil: I let Him keep me here in order to lull Him into a false sense of security.

Time Bandits

Evil: Slugs! He created slugs. They can’t hear! They can’t speak! They can’t operate machinery! I mean, are we not in the hands of a lunatic?… If I were creating a world, I wouldn’t mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o’clock, day one!

Time Bandits

Evil: Oh, Benson… Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.

Benson: Oh, you say such nice things, Master.

Evil: Yes I know, I’m sorry!

Time Bandits

Evil: Oh, Benson! I feel the power of evil coursing through my veins, filling every corner of my being with the desire to do wrong! I feel so bad, Benson!

Benson: Good! Good!

Evil: Yes, it is good, for this is the worst kind of badness that I’m feeling!

Time Bandits

Evil: Suddenly, I feel very, very good.

Robert: Oh, I’m sorry, Master.

Evil: No, it’ll pass, it’ll pass.

Time Bandits

“Laugh while you can, monkeyboy!”

Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, Lord John Warfin / De. Emilio Lizardo

“Sealed with a curse as sharp as a knife: “Doomed is your soul and damned is your life.”

Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, Lord John Warfin / De. Emilio Lizardo

Red Lectroid Spaceship PA System: We are not in the Eighth dimension, we are over New Jersey. Hope is not lost.

Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

“Put the snot on the track, John O’Connor.”

–  Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension ,John Bigbooté

“It’s not my goddamn planet. Understand, monkeyboy?”

Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, John Bigbooté

“We’ll Tear Your Soul Apart”

-Pinhead, Hellraiser

“They will say that I have shed innocent blood. What’s blood for, if not for shedding? With my hook for a hand, I’ll split you from your groin to your gullet. I came for you.”


“Be my Victim”


Eric Morden Alas, our merry band of misfits were not equipped for grand acts of heroism just yet. That was a finesse that dear old daddy hadn’t bothered to teach them.

Niles Caulder Who are you talking to?

Eric Morden Grant Morrison fans, Reddit trolls with DC subscriptions, and the three new fans who stuck around after the donkey fart.

Doom Patrol

“That’s all people really are, you know: dust waiting to be distributed. And it gets everywhere … in every breath you take, dancing in every sunbeam, all used-up people.”

– Moriarty, Sherlock

” Everyone creates the thing they fear. Men of peace create engines of war. Avengers create invaders. Parents create children, that will supplant them. “.

-Ultron, Avengers: Age of Ultron

“And one more thing. All those who oppose us will stand knee deep in the blood of their children.”


“I’ll carve out his heart with a spoon! Because it’s dull, it’ll hurt more!”

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Stansfield : Bring me everyone. 3rd Stansfield man : What do you mean “everyone“? Stansfield : EVERYONE!

Léon: The Professional

“Random Character Analysis: ‘Don’t believe everything you hear about me… the truth is much worse.’

-Megan Hunt, Body of Proof

““Why should I fear death? If I am, then death is not. If Death is, then I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not? Long time men lay oppressed with slavish fear. Religious tyranny did domineer. At length the mighty one of Greece began to assent the liberty of man.”


“I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil’s work.”

Otis B. Driftwood, The Devil’s Rejects

“Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?”

-Joker, Batman

“My life is but ot serve, my liege”

The Sopranos

“There is no good and evil, there is only power and those too weak to seek it.”

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

“Finally…nipples of my own.”

-Markula, ATHF

“We’re bad guys, it’s what we do.”

Harley Quinn, Suicide Squad

“No tears, please. It’s a waste of good suffering.”

― Clive Barker, The Hellbound Heart

“I’m at war with the world! And every living soul in it! But soon… the final battle will begin.”

Count Vladislaus Dracula, Van Helsing

“But then I knew he would not understand or would not want to understand at all and would do all the veshches I had done, yes perhaps even killing some poor starry forella [old woman] surrounded with mewing kots [cats] and koshkas, and I would not be able to really stop him. And nor would he be able to stop his own son, brothers. And so it would itty on to like the end of the world, round and round and round, like some bolshy gigantic like chelloveck, like old Bog [God] Himself…turning and turning and turning a vonny grahzny orange in his gigantic rookers.”

A clockwork Orange

“How nice,” Stryker said with an evil laugh. “You brought dinner for my men. If only everyone could be so considerate.”

Kiss of the Night

“We are who we choose to be… now, *choose*!”

Green Goblin, Spiderman

“…I like the darkness. It’s as much who I am as the light. Why can’t you seem to grasp it’s not either/or?”

-Mr Gold, Once Upon a Time, An Untold Story

“I am inevitable”

Thanos, Avengers: Endgame

“It’s all part of the show”

Mr. Tophat, Are you Afraid of the Dark?

“A man who wanted to become a god… then changed his mind.”

-Nix, Lord of Illusions

“You see, this is what I don’t get about you bad guys: You know the hero’s gonna win, but you don’t just die quickly. Example: This one guy in New Haven, right? City’s burning, people are dying left and right, yadda, yadda, yadda… This jackhole rushes me with a spoon, A FRICKIN’ SPOON! And I’m dying laughing, right? So I scoop out his stupid little eyeballs with it and his kids are all, ‘WAAAAAAH!’ And-ahahaha… I can’t even… ahahahahah! He can’t see where he’s going, he’s bumping into stuff and… I dunno, maybe you had to be there. The moral is: you’re a total bitch”.

Handsome Jack, Borderlands 2

“No tears, please. It’s a waste of good suffering. We have such sights to show you! We’ll tear your soul apart!”

-Lead Cenobite, Hellraiser

“You can’t spell Slaughter without laughter!”

-Strawberry Shortcake,Drawn Together, Season 2

“I’m surrounded by idiots!”

-Scar, The Lion King

“People like the idea that love makes the world go round. It doesn’t. You don’t lock you doors at night because you love thy neighbor; you deadbolt with reinforced steel because you fear thy neighbor. Fear is order. Fear is control. Fear is… safety.”

-Mr. World, Moon Shadow

“Do you seriously think I’d explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I did it thirty-five minutes ago.”

Alan Moore, Watchmen

“Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City “Sailor wanna hump-hump” bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.”

As Good as It Gets

 Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?”

-The Joker, Batman

“You’re… you’re crazy, man. I like you, but you’re crazy.”

-Frank, Old School

“The timeline is malleable”

The Flash

Dr. Julian Bashir It’s a children’s story, about a young shepherd boy who gets lonely while tending his flock. So he cries out to the villagers that a wolf is attacking the sheep. The people come running, but of course there’s no wolf. He claims that it’s run away and the villagers praise him for his vigilance.

Elim Garak Clever lad. Charming story.

Dr. Julian Bashir I’m not finished. The next day, the boy does it again, and the next too. And on the fourth day a wolf really comes. The boy cries out at the top of his lungs, but the villagers ignore him, and the boy, and his flock, are gobbled up.

Elim Garak Well, that’s a little graphic for children, wouldn’t you say?

Dr. Julian Bashir But the point is, if you lie all the time, nobody’s going to believe you, even when you’re telling the truth.

Elim Garak Are you sure that’s the point, Doctor?

Dr. Julian Bashir Of course. What else could it be?

Elim Garak That you should never tell the same lie twice.

Garak, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

“A man who limits his interests limits his life.”

Vincent Price

[Chuckles] “You must be truly desperate to come to me for help. What makes you think you can trust me?”

Thor: The Dark World

“I don’t know if they told you, but I-I’m a hitman. I’m not a fireman. I don’t save people.”

-Deadshot, Suicide Squad

Muriel [sarcastically to Mina]  What you gonna do? Hit me with your love spell?

[Mina lets fly with a bolt from a dark witch’s dropped wand; Muriel dodges] 

Muriel Not bad.

[pins Mina to a wall] 

Muriel Sacrificing yourself for a mortal… pathetic.

[Muriel stabs Mina in the stomach with a dagger] 

-Muriel, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

“They have their weapons…they have their weapons”

-Eric Lensherr, X-Men: The Last Stand

“That’s so sweet I’m getting cavities!”

-Beryl, Sailor Moon

“Destroy them all!, I don’t not think so”

-Imhotep, The Mummy Returns

“We’re all killers..that’s what they pay us for”


“Hey, let’s have a big round of applause for all of today’s contenders who have died so gruesomely! Good sports!”

-Grandmaster, Thor: Ragnarok

“The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am!”

Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi 

“Lucien, you will take me to Camille and you will surrender the medallion or you will meet an end so cruel, the Devil will weep.”

The Vampire Diarries

Max Watch he’ll say something like “So gentlemen, we meet again”.

The General : So gentlemen, we meet again.

Max I told ya.


“I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too”

-Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz 

“People scare better when they’re dying.“

-Frank, Once Upon a Time in the West

“Evil will always win because good is dumb”

-Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

“Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.”

― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

“I am the punishment of God…If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.”

Genghis Khan

“Medical books aren’t written about losers!”

Osmosis Jones

“I’ll remake a fun world, a better world. A party that never ends with a host that never dies. No more restrictions, no more laws! You’d be one of us, all powerful, greater than anything you can ever imagine.”

Gravity Falls

“… *Everyone* can be Super! And when everyone’s Super… no one will be.”

-Syndrome, The Incredibles

“…ah, these pretzels suck…”

-Handsome Jack, Borderlands

“One day men will look back and say I gave birth to the Twentieth Century.”

― Jack the Ripper, Das Tagebuch von Jack the Ripper

“Say goodnight to the bad guy”


“Dread it. Run from it. Destiny still arrives.”

-Thanos, Avengers: Infinity War

“Angry gets shit done.”

-Neil Gaiman, American Gods

“They’ve dicked with the wrong dictator!”

-Saddam Hussein, Hot Shots! Part Deux

“And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

Pulp Fiction

“Listen kid, I’m not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don’t give a good fuck what you know, or don’t know, but I’m gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It’s amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I’ve heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain’t gonna get.”

-Mr. Blonde, Resevoir Dogs

“We are the things that were and shall be again! “

-Ed Getley, Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn

“Only the Negaverse will prevail!”

– Queen Beryl, Sailor Moon

 “This time you’ll be the ones unmasked..and the buffoons you truly are”

Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

“Sorry you’re canceled”

Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

“That’s so sweet…I hate sweet”

-Penny, Sky HIgh

“A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You’re a plague and we are the cure.”

Agent Smith, The Matrix

“No. I am your father.”

-Darth Vader, Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

“You’re right.I am crazy. But you know what else? I don’t give a fuck.”

― Tupac Shakur

“…now, look at me – wasted away to practically nothing”

-Ursula, The Little Mermaid

“Your suffering will be legendary, even in hell!”

-Pinhead, Hellbound: Hellraiser II

Written by Jeffrey Mach

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