An Essential Villainous Skill: How To Monetize The End Of The World

An Essential Villainous Skill: How To Monetize The End Of The World

Monetizing The End Of The World – with Jeff Mach.

(This is an Fiction-Reality Interface Panel. What that means is that it’s open to BOTH people who are cosplaying Villains who will be speaking in character, AND creators who will be speaking ‘in theory’.)

Not everybody wants to rule the world. Some Villains want to remove it from the Cosmos altogether.  It’s one of the most frequent objectives of Villains of every stripe. But many fail to ask the really important question: How do you make money doing that?

Oh, sure, vaporizing the planet is emotionally satisfying, especially if you have the wherewithal to be standing on a different planet when it happens.  But in the end, you’re going to need to walk away with some cash in your pockets. Transdimensional escape portals don’t come cheap, and besides, why accomplish something like total annihilation of the Earth if you’re just going to have to show up at your day job in the morning? Besides, if your day job was ON Earth, you’re probably fired now anyway.

I am assuming that you’ve thought this through. Blowing up the world, and yourself with it, is much easier. No, you have some kind of out, right? Like, you’ll end “The world as we know it”, decimate the population through Zombies or Weather Control, and live like a King/Queen/Imperial Being in your castle/fortress/undersea lair, right?


So how do you make this work?

How do you fund all this? How do you make this a viable business enterprise?

Do you sell t-shirts saying “I Was At The End Of The World, And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt And Also Radiation Poisoning”?

Do you ransom the world? If so, how? There’s not a world government; there’s the United Nations, but if you think they’re going to agree to give you a hundred zillion dollars before your Doomsday Clock goes off, you’re in the wrong line of work.  Do you unite the world so that it can pay you? But then you’re facing a united world, which is a much worse enemy than a divided one.

And if you do make money, where do you live?

Like I said before – it’s all a bit silly if you’re doing YOURSELF in. If you aren’t, then what’s your plan for maintaining the standard of living befitting your Villainous status? Do you have to factor in the expenses of a rocket ship to get you to a different solar system? Do you possibly mean this metaphorically, as in “The end of the world as everyone else knows it, and the beginning of my villainous reign”?  That’s cool and all, but have you considered how much of a hassle it is to try to tell seven billion people what to do?

If we’re going to end the world, then we need to have ourselves a talk about how we’re going to make a profit on it. After all, if you don’t have a good business model, you’re likely to go broke, and just think of how the heroes will laugh.  “So after she conquered the globe, she defaulted on her student loans, and ended up hiding on a remote island somewhere!” It’s not a good look.

Come to Evil Expo! We’ll teach you the IMPORTANT villainy stuff!  And sometimes make you laugh.


“I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said, ‘Don’t worry it’s not the end of the world.'”

-Jay London



Posted on

March 5, 2019