And thus the world explodes

How To Monetize The End Of The World – an Evil Expo Villainous Panel

“I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said, ‘Don’t worry it’s not the end of the world.'”

-Jay London

While it’s not always the prize of miscreant behavior, the end of the world is one of the more frequent objectives of villainous efforts.  But let’s get real here: How do you monetize that?

Do you sell t-shirts saying “I Was At The End Of The World, And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt And Also Radiation Poisoning”?

Do you ransom the world? If so, how? There’s not a world government; there’s the United Nations, but if you think they’re going to agree to give you a hundred zillion dollars before your Doomsday Clock goes off, you’re in the wrong line of work.  Do you unite the world so that it can pay you? But then you’re facing a united world, which is a much worse enemy than a divided one.

And if you do make money, where do you live? Do you have to factor in the expenses of a rocket ship to get you to a different world? Do you possibly mean this metaphorically, as in “The end of the world as everyone else knows it, and the beginning of my villainous reign”?  That’s cool and all, but have you considered how much of a hassle it is to try to tell seven billion people what to do?

If we’re going to end the world, then we need to have ourselves a talk about how we’re going to make a profit on it. After all, if you don’t have a good business model, you’re likely to go broke, and just think of how the heroes will laugh.  “So after she conquered the globe, she defaulted on her student loans, and ended up hiding on a remote island somewhere!” It’s not a good look.