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A Villainly Alphabet

Stampable letters, symbolic of the thoughtcrime contained in this little alphabet.
A fairly glorious, old-school set of woodcut stamps.

Beware, my friends and my foes. The rhyming beneath contains Thoughtcrime, as defined by UrbanDictionary thusly:

Orwellion concept. 

A crime that you are guilty of because you are THINKING of doing something bad. (i.e. In 1984’s Oceania, spending time alone is almost a crime because it’s considered odd, and odd people are a threat to a stable environment such as theirs.)”

We recommend you read the following alphabet with care, and, of course, since this is potentially evil, you should only read it to others as a punishment. For who might possibly see the acquisition of dangerous knowledge as a gift?

      Jeff Mach‘s  Villainous Alphabet

A is for “AAAAARRRGGGHH!”, that answer to wishes
(The last sound to come from things nice and delicious.)

B is for Belly, giant and fat
Let’s fill it with children, and maybe a cat.

C is for Creature, full of venom and fizz
(It’s not your name, but they think it is.)

D is for Darkling, what we are inside
(It’s our kind of sparkling. We wear it with pride.)

E is for Evil, obviously;
Marked for easy retrieval in our memory.

F is for Fall, as in “Fall from grace”;
When the sky is a lie, the ground’s an embrace.

G is for Glamour–the magickal sort
Which kidnaps poor mortals to Titania’s court.

H is for “Horrors!” – only some of our making.
They pretend to hate them. (And they are faking.)

I is for imp. Dark minds and bright hair.
(Don’t confuse them with House Elves. Those things are a nightmare.)

J is for Joker, and this is why:
When the world is exploding, you laugh, or you die.

K is for kneeling – a thing that’s expected.
They hate us because it’s a thing we’ve rejected.

L is for Love. It’s all you need.
(To have your heart eaten. Take heed! Take heed!)

M is for Murder – but just of the soul
(What happens when you play Society’s role.)

N is for Never, and please be our witness–
That’s when we will finally consider forgiveness.

O is for Opening – of hearts and minds
To all of the misfits, lost toys, left-behinds.

P’s for Penumbral–on the outskirts of dream
Where we like to live, like cats seeking cream.

Q is for Quisling, the treacherous touch
(And they know quite well why we see them as such.)

R’s for Revenge, as always it’s been
(Revenge is expected. What’s never known? WHEN.)

S is for Stolen, like hearts or like breath
Or like stealing your name–the same thing as Death.

T is for Truth – in quite short supply
(Least valued by those who most falsehoods, decry).

U’s for Unholy, those who are ranked
Against automatic obedience to the sacrosanct.

V is for Villain, that glorious being
Who sees things that others would not dream of seeing.

W’s for Warped, the strange kind of mind
That lets us seek out, and scheme–and find.

X is for Xenomorph. We can relate
To changing your form, for changing your fate.

Y is for Yelp, a cry of distress
When we prove orderly worlds conceal chaotic mess.

Z is for Zero: What they say crime pays.
The first time we heard that? WE LAUGHED FOR DAYS.

Now we’ve completed our Abecedarian Villainy
This word of advice: Don’t tell ANYONE.
that you heard it.

-“A Villainly Alphabet”

Jeff Mach

Written by Jeffrey Mach

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